69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It was confusing and full of hummus
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
