I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
