I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
