brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
this beer tastes like vomit already
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
