It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
