I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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