Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
