Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
