Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He did a backflip because drugs
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