i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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