i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
