If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Panties = found
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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