She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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