so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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