the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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