So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
