we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
