I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
