i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
