Capitaan dildo arrescate!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
