Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they're like a gay fantastic four
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
