Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I love you. Go after that dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
