You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm just crazy horny about you
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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