You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
