yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
