And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
