Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
