OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
