Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
