I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
