Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
