Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
