Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
