I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
