and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
