Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
