I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
