How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
