Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
