On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
