oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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