Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
