I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
