Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
