Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
