mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
