As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
