so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
