Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
