i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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