just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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