My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm passing your future prison.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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