I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
