Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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