Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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