Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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