who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
