somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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