oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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