i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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