I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
