I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Randomize
