i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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