Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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